Revive My Cold Heart

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It was a sunny Thursday evening, I was exhausted after a long day from work when on my way home with one of my friends she said to me “have you seen the videos of the accident that happened along Lagos-Ibadan expressway?” knowing that, that is the route that leads to my house in Lagos, Nigeria my immediate thoughts were to call my mum, dad, siblings, friends and my loved ones that I knew plow that road on a daily basis. After confirming that all the people that I knew and cared about were saved I had a sigh of relieve and went on with my day like nothing happened.

And it suddenly hit me I just got really comfortable after hearing that no one that mattered to me was affected by the accident, and as that thought was going on in my head I tried everything in my power to push it away simply because I knew it was true and didn’t want to think about it but the more I tried the more I failed and after a while I gave in to the thoughts and realized how COLD my heart had gotten.

The same heart that was so compassionate and felt so much love for people regardless of who they were has suddenly gone COLD. The same heart that once cried out to her savior Jesus to help her love and see people the way he sees them now just don’t care at all. And as I began to realize how COLD my heart had really gotten I asked myself How?...How did this happen?.....Where did I go wrong?
My answer was quite simple. I was running out battery. My youth pastor gives this analogy a lot, if your mobile phone is fully charged and you start using it or you just keep it and don’t use at all after a while the battery will start to run down and if you don’t charge it, it will eventually die.

And that was exactly what was happening to me, I was not recharging my spiritual battery and I was running out of the one I had and my actions were showing it. I was just going through each day without spending quality time with the Lord so he could fill me up and so my well was running dry. My heart was getting COLD. My fire and zeal for Jesus was dying. At that point I had two options to continue that way or to start praying and seeking God and I must confess the first options was tempting because I was already plowing that road so it was easy to continue but I chose the second one not necessarily because I am that great or because it for sure seemed like the right option to choose but realizing Jesus’s faithfulness and love towards my very COLD heart, seeing how he was chasing after my COLD heart and was loving and kind enough to help me discern how I was killing my love for him. I am very certain that me coming to the realization that my heart was COLD was not me because my heart without Jesus is full of evil so there was no way it would have been bothered that people I didn’t know died in a terrible fire explosion but God in his faithfulness sought after my COLD heart and revived it. And I must confess it was worth it.
What changed?
1.       I realized that I could have never love Jesus by my own power. I can choose him and choose to love him but what sustains me or what will continue to sustain me in times when I don’t feel like it is Jesus and only Jesus.
2.      I have to constantly surround myself with things that will make my cup to overflow, I know its common sense but sometimes common sense isn’t so common.
3.      When life situation tries to throw my gaze away from Jesus I have to remember that at the center of it all I see Jesus and that he is enough for me, regardless of what I go through.

Psalm 27:8-9 New International Version (NIV)
8 My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”
    Your face, Lord, I will seek.
9 Do not hide your face from me,
    do not turn your servant away in anger;
    you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
    God my Savior.
And so I have chosen to run this race constantly with Jesus till the end. Until next time, peace!

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